Smile - Angel Haze
On February 15th,
a day immediately after another you hate,
you told me "smiling doesn't get you anywhere in life."
I can't explain the way my guts turned,
the way my thoughts burned with all of the memories.
All of the times I felt I could be ready to die
and you would look me right into my tear filled eyes and say: "Smile babe, don't cry."
And all I can wonder now is what changed that for you?
Is it the way that I loved you so roughly I tore you into pieces
that no longer believe in the beauty of a smile?
Was it life and all of its choices,
all of its choosing that removed the smile that was like a bruise upon your beautiful face?
Or did you let your sorrows erase you?
Was it your lack of freedom?
Was it the fact that people are idiots
who find gold mines inside of beautiful people like you and still don't know how to treat them?
Have you been s_cked dry?
Pretending the smile came from inside you every time I've ever seen it.
That mile long walk across the teeth that emerged from the midst of your lips when you felt it.
My God, you were my heaven.
You used to smile like the ends of your mouth could grow their own hands,
reach into the mirrors in your eyes and pull your soul out.
Like the sun was smiling back at you and the midst of your troubles
telling you the night you'll only endure for a moment
but the light from my lips will return in the morning, I promise.
Like the moon lit your room with the light so perfect,
when we kiss you swear that heaven had birthed it.
Like there were angels in attendance that tore love from your appendage
and shoved it down my throat forcing me to swallow it whole.
Like the glow from your soul became the light in your eyes
I was so used to having guide me, having hide me from my darkness.
You used to smile and it would tear me apart but you are so, so different now.
I don't know who you are, I can't figure you out.
But if I retrace the steps in my mind
I can count all the times I've seen you hurt,
seen all the weight you've been forced to carry.
And maybe, in that moment I'd kneel before you.
Knees kissing the ground beneath me and ask you to place your burdens upon my shoulder.
And I would carry them for you for this lifetime and ten lifetimes over.
Just so the weight of your burdens wouldn't become the pain in your smile,
just so the thought of a smile wouldn't keep weighing you down,
just so you would believe that everyday of my life
I spend 15 seconds taking a glimpse into heaven when you smile.
You don't know the beauty of it all.
I've seen the slowing of a heartbeat that is aged with its pain,
restart and beat with a rapidity that will make infinity shamed.
I've seen scars heal,
minds filled with positivity,
people brought together,
friendships mended,
soul mates found,
and all of this was just from a smile.
So the next time I see it,
I'll run into your arms like the wives and children
of the soldiers whose souls were thought to be stolen by the lives that they've taken,
mistakes that they've made.
By the pieces of themselves they have thought they lost.
And you will show me the way back to myself and watch me become as new as I always do.
And maybe this love turn into one thing that birthed a thousand others that give you a reason to smile.
It may take a while but I've never seen anything more beautiful than what I see when you do.
And I don't believe in anything like I believe in you.
So smile for me, even when this world tries to tear you into two.
Smile for me because, I love when you do.
I love when you do.
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