Crazy Rap - Afroman
(Wait a minute, man. Hey, check this out, tell it. It was this blind man, right?
Man, check this out- it was this blind man, right?
He was feelin' his way down the street with this stick, right?
Hey. He walked past this fish market, you know what I'm sayin'?
He stopped, he took a deep breath, he said,
Woooooo, good morning, ladies.
You like that sh_t, man? Hey, man, I got a gang of that sh_t, man.
I tell you what- my man on the guitar, fool on the drums,
everybody just crowd around the mic, I'll tell you all these mutha-f_ckin' jokes.
But first, I'ma start it off like this. Hey, help me sing it, homeboy.)
Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need.
We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed.
And as the marijuana burns we can take our turns, singing them dirty rap songs
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong, sell tapes from here to Hong Kong.
So roll, roll, roll my joint. Pick out the seeds and stems.
Feelin' high as hell flyin' through Palmdale, skatin' on Dayton rims.
So roll, roll the '83 Cadillac Coup de Ville.
If my tapes and my cds just don't sell, I bet my caddy will.
Well it was just sundown in a small white town. They call it Eastside Palmdale.
When the Afroman walked through the white land, houses went up for sale.
Well, I was standin' on the corner sellin' rap cds when I met a little girl named Jan.
I let her ride in my Caddy cause I didn't know her daddy was the leader of the Klu Klux Klan.
We f_cked on the bed, f_cked on the flo', f_cked so long, I grew a f_ckin' afro.
Then I f_cked to the left, f_cked to the right. She s_cked my d_ck 'til the sh_t turned white.
I thought to myself, Sheba, Sheba! Got my ass lookin' like a ZEBRA!
I pulled on my clothes and I was on my way, until her daddy pulled up in a Chevrolet.
I ran. I jumped out the back window, but her daddy, he was waitin' with a 2 x 4.
Oh, he beat me to the left, he beat me to the right. The mutha-f_cker whooped my ass all night.
But I ain't mad at her prejudiced dad, that's the best damn p_ssy I ever had.
I got a bag of weed and a bottle of wine. I'm a f_ck that b_tch just one more time.
Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need.
We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed.
And as the marijuana burns we can take our turns, singing them dirty rap songs
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong, sell tapes from here to Hong Kong.
So roll, roll, roll my joint. Pick out the seeds and stems.
Feelin' high as hell flyin' through Palmdale, skatin' on Dayton rims.
So roll, roll the '83 Cadillac Coup de Ville.
If my tapes and my cds just don't sell, I bet my caddy will.
I met this lady in Hollywood. She had green hair, but damn she looked good.
I took her to my house, cause she was fine, but she whipped out a d_ck that was bigger than mine.
I met this lady from Japan, never made love with an African.
I f_cked her once, I f_cked her twice. I ate that p_ssy like shrimp fried rice.
Don't be amazed at the stories I tell ya. I met a woman in the heart of Australia.
Had a big b_tt and big titties, too, so I hopped in her ass like a kangaroo.
See, I met this lady from Hawaii. Stuck it in her ass, and she said, Aiiiiieeee!
Lips was breakfast, p_ssy was lunch, then her titties busted open with Hawaiian Punch.
Met Colonel Sander's wife in the state of Kentucky. She said, I'll fry some chicken if you just f_ck me.
I came in her mouth. It was a crisis. I gave her my secret blend of herbs and spices.
Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need.
We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed.
And as the marijuana burns we can take our turns, singing them dirty rap songs
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong, sell tapes from here to Hong Kong.
Hey, wait a minute man, check this out.
I met Dolly Parton in Tennessee. Her titties were filled with Hennesy.
That country music nearly drove me crazy, but I rode that ass and said, Yes, Miss Daisy!
Met this lady in Oklahoma; put that p_ssy in a coma.
Met this lady in Michigan; I can't wait 'til I f_ck that b_tch again.
Met a real black girl in South Carolina; f_cked her 'til she turned into a white albino.
F_cked this hooker in Iowa. I f_cked her on credit, so I owe her.
F_cked this girl, down in Georgia; came in her mouth. Man, I thought I told ya.
Met this beautiful sexy ho; she just ran cross the border of Mexico.
Fine young thing, said her name's Maria. I wrapped her up just like a Hot Tortilla.
I wanna get married, but I can't afford it. I know I'ma cry when she gets deported.
Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need.
We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed.
And as the marijuana burns we can take our turns, singing them dirty rap songs
Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong, sell tapes from here to Hong Kong.
Have you ever went over to a girl's house to f_ck, but the p_ssy just ain't no good? (SAY WHAT?)
And then you're getting' upset cause you can't get her wet, plus you in the wrong neighborhood?
So you try to play it off and eat the p_ssy, but it takes her so long to come (SAY WHAT?)
Then a dude walks in. That's her big boyfriend, and he asks you where you from? (Where you from, man?)
So you wipe your mouth, and you try to explain (I don't bang.), you start talkin' real fast.
But he's already mad, cause you f_ckin' his wife, so he starts beatin' on your ass.
Now your clothes all muddy, your nose all bloody, your d_ck was hard but now it's soft. (WHUT?)
You thought you had a girl to rock your world, now you still gotta go jack off.
Colt 45 and two Zig Zags, baby that's all we need.
We can go to the park after dark, smoke that tumbleweed.
[fade out]
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